What Makes a Good Mom?
I’ll never forget the fear I felt before our first child, Olivia, was born. Would I be a good mom? Would I be able to figure out what she needs? Would I be able to teach her the most important things?
Before I knew it, I was bringing home a sweet bundle of joy and then more fears came. Why is she crying? Why is she quiet? Why is she sleeping so long? Why won’t she sleep?
We survived the baby years and as she moved into kindergarten, more fears surfaced. What if someone is mean to her? What if she’s not a nice kid to others? What if she gets hurt? What if I can’t be there to help her?
But she managed and she learned every step of the way and before we knew it, she was going to junior high. Would she find the right friend group? Would she discover activities she enjoys? Would she be able to stay true to her beliefs?
The global pandemic was a challenging way to end her junior high years and transition to high school. It finally felt like she was in high school her sophomore year. Still more questions ensued. How will I teach her everything she needs to know about driving? How do I give her freedom, but keep her safe? Will she be happy?
As my daughter wraps up her junior year, it strikes me that being a good mom is not about having the answers to all of these hard questions along the way. It’s about being willing to figure it out. It’s about being brave and stepping into uncharted waters because we want the best for them. It’s about putting them first and showing them what servant leadership is all about.
My daughter has experienced things in life that I never had to experience when I was her age. And she lives in a world where everything is blasted on social media. I can’t count the times I thought to myself, “Where is this in the handbook?”
The reality is we can’t just bubble wrap them and hide them at home forever. They have to go out, get beat down, pick themselves up and keep moving. My job as a mother isn’t easy, but it’s clear. I’m there to set my fears aside and encourage her along.
The truth is she has gotten hurt, people have been mean to her and she has made mistakes. But she’s also figured out how to get back up, be kind even when others aren’t and learn from her mistakes. She’s stronger and more resilient because of all of those things.
Admittedly, a lot of those lessons took place in the barn: dealing with grief after the loss of special animals, understanding consequences of decisions, learning from mistakes and practicing accountability, dedication, responsibility and perseverance. It's the place we talk about the tough stuff and send up thanks for a lot of good stuff. It's been a great place to watch my daughter grow.
Nearly 17 years later, I am not sure I have mastered being a good mom and I'm sure not ready for this next year of "lasts." However, I've learned it takes a lot of humility and grace and trust that we will make it through somehow because we love them that much.
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