It was way too late on a Sunday night to be doing laundry at a coin laundromat in an unfamiliar part of town. But my friend Sarah and I had no choice. We both were hours from home and our boys needed clean jeans. There are some things in life you just have to do even when you don’t want to. This was one of those times.
We were tired and hadn’t eaten since noon. The washing machines kept jamming. The dryers took too long. It was one little thing after another.
I told her I’d stay and watch our laundry if she wanted to grab us a 10 p.m. meal from a drive-thru. She was hesitant but I urged her to go. When she returned with a bag from McDonald’s, she had a strange look on her face.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “When I pulled up to the window, they said they were out of fries so they were going to substitute our meals with chicken nuggets instead.”
I’m not sure why that was so funny to us – maybe our lack of sleep after nearly a week of early mornings and late nights at the fair finally did us in. Or maybe it was all of the extra stress of keeping our families rolling during a big week. But how are chicken nuggets a substitute for French fries?
We started laughing and couldn’t stop. You know the kind of laughing that turns into tears?
I couldn’t help but think as we stood in the laundromat eating cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets that I need to do this more often. Maybe not specifically doing laundry at 10 p.m. in a laundromat eating nuggets but spending time with friends who get you, simply doing the mundane tasks together.
When Stress Piles Up
There’s something to be said about friends who help lighten your load in life. I couldn’t pinpoint any one thing that was overwhelming to me in that moment, but lots of little stresses had been building up all week and before I knew it, the cumulative effect set in.
“With one or two little stressors we can often just shrug it off, it’s not a big deal, it’s not worth getting all worked up about. However, it’s unlikely that most are processing those stresses, they are more likely just pushing them to the side. With one or two a day, that may work,” says Athena Diesch-Chham, a farm girl (who understands the extra stress on the farm) and clinical social worker and owner of Restorative Path Counseling and Wellbeing.
The problem is when we start building a significant stack of stressors, the problem shifts from not a little irritation, but closer to “the world is against me” mentality, she explains.
“If each individual stressor is a 1 or 2 on the impact scale, in the moment they feel small, they may not register at all. But if I end up with a hell of a day, and I have five things that are 2s, I’ve now reached a 10 without having any idea of how it happened,” Diesch-Chham says.
That’s why she says we need to pay attention to how many balls we are putting into the 1’s and 2’s bucket, and especially things that are landing higher like 3’s or 4’s.
“When we hit a 10 and have no real idea how we got there, we are going to default to our innate stress style, leading us to explode, push harder or freeze. None of which are methods that will go without impact to the people around us,” she points out.
Count Your Drops
So, how do we avoid stacked stress? Pay attention and pause in the moment to put a number on that stressor, Diesch-Chaam recommends.
“On a scale of 1-10, how big of an impact was it? 1-2’s can be shrugged off, dropped like rocks. 3-4’s those hit, let’s take a moment to decide if we need to do more with it and then move forward. If it’s higher than a 5, take a couple minutes to reflect, process how we felt about that, what we want to do differently, and how we move forward. That may mean a conversation, a bit of self-care, or even recentering. These are all valid options and worth exploring,” she says.
The truth is stress affects every living thing. Pigs are not immune to stress just like we aren’t. Read more about the little stressors that stack up at weaning for the pig and can become a big problem if not managed well. Experts share tips on how to reduce stress and ultimately improve productivity in the herd.
One point that stood out to me is the importance of consistent observation. Isn’t that true with our own stressors? We need to pay attention to the “drops in the bucket,” Diesch-Chham shares.
“The first one or two, depending on size, probably won’t make a difference. But if we don’t address how many drops are going in, we are soon going to be overwhelmed by the weight of that bucket and may not be able to move forward until the bucket gets lighter,” she says.
How can we be more observant in the barn? How can we translate those skills to our family and friends? If we all make it a point to be more observant, just think of how that could make a difference.
Read More from Jennifer Shike:
No, He’s Not a Buffalo: Why We Can’t Avoid Their Questions Anymore
Animal Activists Are Waging War in Your Backyard
There’s Just Something About Stock Show Friends
Mental Toughness: Make the Most of What Life Throws at You
