Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on the figures who have profoundly shaped our lives. This year, I find myself thinking about a striking statement from the legendary Coach Mike Krzyzewski, former Duke University and USA Basketball coach. He once advised, “Be as tough as your mothers.” This powerful message resonates deeply, especially with those of us who grew up as farm kids, where our mothers proved to be the unsung heroes of our upbringing.
The Unwavering Spirit of Farm Mothers
Mothers, if they are anything like mine, have faced the demanding realities of farm life with unyielding strength. These are women who fed calves in the sweltering heat of summer, irrigated pastures with children on their hips, and resolved marital differences amidst sorting cows. They managed household finances creatively, making ends meet even when the milk check was sparse, and they ensured that a family of eight was nourished from garden and freezer bounty.
My mother, in particular, embodies this strength. The oldest daughter of a U.S. Admiral, she once lived a life of luxury, familiar with Italian leather gloves, silk blouses, and fur coats. Yet, she embraced a new calling when she married my father, a devoted Oregon dairy farmer, and exchanged her glamorous wardrobe for rubber boots and ragged jeans. Despite this dramatic transformation, she never complained.
Homemaker and More
After coming home from school to head to the barn to do farm chores, my sisters and I would race inside to a home-cooked meal prepared from scratch. Growing up with servants in a high-class setting, my mother learned to cook only after marrying my father, who humorously recalled losing 30 pounds in their first year of marriage. Yet she would remind him that he was doing ‘just fine now.’
Even when burdened by physical exhaustion or illness, my mom remained unwavering. She still managed to assist us with homework, ensuring that we not only comprehended the assignment but excelled at it, even if it meant staying up past midnight to solve complex algebra problems. She did this while nursing a sick newborn calf in the mudroom and baking pies for a 4-H banquet, lending yet another testament to a mother’s multitasking ability. Her ingenuity was a product of from being self-taught, reading the Merck Manual, learning from our veterinarian and her years of working in a hospital. Mom seemed to be able to do anything and everything.
Resilience in Adversity
My mother’s resilience manifested most profoundly when our family faced life’s harshest trials. When a house fire rendered us homeless overnight, she chose gratitude for the neighbors who welcomed us in. When one of her daughters nearly lost her leg in a farming accident, mom didn’t let her praying legs grow lazy, as she was grateful for medical advancements and her daughter’s recovery.
Values of Perseverance and Positivity
Among her most enduring gifts were the values she imparted—values characterized by a strong work ethic, kindness, gratitude and perspective. My mom never permitted self-pity to take root, a trait she exemplified in her own life. She instilled in us a perspective that transformed adversity into opportunity.
Reflecting on the qualities I hope to impart to my own children, I wholeheartedly echo Coach K’s sentiment. I hope for my children to grow into individuals possessing the resilience and strength of their late grandmother. Her enduring legacy is one of tenacity, compassion and unwavering positivity—traits that are as essential on the farm as they are in life. This Thanksgiving, as you gather around the table, think of those that fill your heart with love, including your mother.
